It was a bad movie weekend - not intentionally, that's just how it turned out to be!
Firstly, rented the new Mortal Kombat movie and sat to watch, hoping that it would be even better than the one I saw in the 90s. Now, the movie from the 90s was not a good movie by any means but it was fun. The music was great, it moved fairly quickly and the fighting was well choreographed - martial arts is like a dance. Well, I was sorely disappointed. This wasn't the worst movie in the world by any means (one of the other ones I saw this weekend might qualify as in the running for that) but it moved slowly, most of the fighting was a mess - just brute force and gross ways to die. It was missing an exciting score... it had none of the charm of the earlier movie. Save your money and watch this one when it's available for free on your streaming services.
Next up was The 2nd. It's a bodyguard movie according to the blurb and I love me a good bodyguard movie. Oh boy. This was bad from the start. I would say the acting was bad, but I'm not sure that was the actors' fault as the dialog was so terrible. The long opening scene really had nothing to do with the rest of the movie. And at one point, hubby leaned over and said, who is the main bad guy and what side is it he wants the judge to come down on? I can't recomment this movie at all, even if you love bodyguard movies. If you're craving a bodyguard movie, go watch the Hitman's Bodyguard instead
Then we tried Jiujitsu. Now, this one has Nicholas Cage in it and I usually watch a movie despite the fact that he's in it. Most of the time I don't care for him though I will say there are some movies I have seen where the movie is good and I've totally enjoyed him in it (The Sorceror's Apprentice and Gone in 60 Seconds both come to mind) This however was not one of those movies. Nick Cage was probably the best thing in it (which given the above does not make it a good thing!). This one was one random fight scene after another - the venue and players changing from scene to scene. They couldn't seem to keep to their own rules and it was some huge revelation that maybe if they killed the big bad during the times he was healing, they could stop the cycle of him showing up and killing everything every six years... they'd been doing this for a very long time but are only figuring that out now? Right. At one point as the characters are wandering aimlessly through the landscape once again, I couldn't help but wonder how these movies get made? Did they have a good script and the editing or directing killed it? Did they have a shit script to start with? Who looked at this and thought "yeah, that's where I want to put my money"? Maybe they needed a loss for their taxes.
So as we were on a roll, we scrolled through what was available and Planet Terror showed up. This is a Grindhouse movie - so I knew to expect lots of boobs and lots of gore. But we were on a terrible movie roll and weren't even trying for something good anymore. Would you believe this one was the best of the bunch? Silly premise, absoutely. Mas scientist who literally keeps the balls of his enemy in a jar? Yep. Hero who rides one of those tiny motorcyles to lead the convoy out of town and looks ridiculous but plays it like it's a flaming chariot coming to save the day? Oh yeah. Chick who loses her leg and boyfriend eventually replaces it with a machine gun which she uses to save the day on multiple occasions? Absolutely. The thing I liked the least about this was Quentin Tarantino's cameo. I am not a fan and his three minute stint in this did not improve my opinion in any way. However, the movie was so over the top and ridiculous and all the actors were hamming their rolls up to high heaven, and I found myself laughing through a great deal of it. And in the end, two of the main heroes were women, with the two women being the only ones of the three that survived the whole thing.
So that was my weekend movie viewing experienced in a nutshell. Lately I have been doing way better with episodic tv than with movies...
Have a great week!
Sean
smut fixes everything
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